The Complete, Unabridged Story of Red vs Blue. Abridged.
The Complete, Unabridged Story of Red vs Blue. Abridged. is a special episode of Red vs. Blue that follows a Morgan Freeman-sounding narrator who explains the story of the Blood Gulch Reds and Blues. Characters Red Team *Sarge *Simmons *Grif *Donut *Lopez Blue Team *Church *Caboose *Tucker *Washington Other *Jason Stephens Synopsis On April 1, 2003, five friends unleashed a sci-fi comedy epic known as Red vs. Blue. It took the internet by storm. Fast-forward fourteen seasons and countless "Bow Chicka Bow Wows", the longest running web series presents its biggest season yet. Catch up on all fourteen seasons, and don't miss Season 15, premiering April 2 on Rooster Teeth FIRST. Transcript Narrator: The story you are about to hear is as old as time itself - fifteen years. Shows a view of Blood Gulch Canyon. Narrator: It's the story of the greatest heroes the universe has ever seen. Retold to you from the very beginning, by me. Cuts to the Burning Plains. Narrator: Who am I? I am a freelancer, voice over artist. My name is Jason Stephens and I am paid by the hour because I kind of sound like Morgan Freeman. Cuts to Crash Site Bravo. (Laughs) It's a crazy world we live in, but not nearly as crazy as the one I'm to tell you all about. Without further ado, I present: The Complete Unabridged Story of Red vs. Blue (Abridged) Shot of the Blood Gulch Crew: Red Team and Blue Team is shown. Narrator: Red Team and Blue Team were two opposing forces stationed in the same box canyon - Blood Gulch. Clip of Sheila firing at Simmons and Grif then cuts to Simmons and Grif standing on top of Red Base. Narrator: No one on either side really knew why. Simmons: The only reason that we set up a Red Base here is because they have a blue base over there. Narrator: They probably should have realized something strange was going on. While narrator is speaking, clip of Sheila auto-locking onto Church on the cliff and shooting at him. Narrator: When their guy Church got blown up, but didn't die. Church: I'm a freakin' ghost! Narrator: He's not actually a ghost. We'll get into that later. The important part is that you understand these soldiers aren't the pick of the litter. They're not the créme de la créme. Cuts to the Red Team and shows Sarge. Narrator: Over on the Red Team, there's a drill sergeant, Sarge: Oh boy, I'm gettin' the voices again, didn't meant to hear that. Cuts to Grif. Narrator: a lazy one, Grif: If I say no, can I go back to sleep. Cuts to Simmons. Narrator: a suck-up, Simmons: 'I can hear its gross simplification, sir. ''Cuts to Lopez. '''Narrator: a Spanish speaking robot, Lopez: (It's the narrator you idiots.) Cuts to Donut. Narrator: and a pink one. Donut: It's lightish red. Cuts to the Blue Base and shows Church. Narrator: Over on the other side of the canyon, we have a sarcastic one, Church: Yeah, that's my defining quality. Thanks, asshole. Cuts to Tucker. Narrator: a ladies man, Tucker: Bow-chicka-bow-wow? Cuts to Caboose. Narrator: and a, well, Caboose. Caboose: Why don't you just try walking on your hands? Then you could use your feet for high fives... Cuts to the Reds and Blues during Season 4-5. Narrator: Even though they were supposedly at war, both teams talked to the same guy, Vic, on the radio. Vic: Amigo! What's going on? Cuts to Tex arriving at Blue Base. Narrator: Every now and then, a Freelancer would show up in the canyon. They're kind of like badass bounty hunters, but not. Tex is doing target practice at Caboose and chucks a grenade. Narrator: Most times when a Freelancer showed up, it was bad news. Caboose: I'm scared. Tex cocking her SMGs and killing the Zealots at the temple. Church (offscreen): Alright look, she's only bad because she has an evil computer program in her head, okay? Whatever. This isn't even canon. What do I care? Narrator: Church is sensitive about Tex because they used to date. That evil computer program he mentioned is called Omega... Shows Caboose being possessed by Omega and Doc arriving to Blood Gulch. Narrator: ... and it makes everyone evil when it jumps into their heads through their helmet. This happened to everyone in Blood Gulch, but Omega got especially cozy inside the head of their new medic, Doc. Omega with Lopez standing on top of a ledge on Sidewinder. Omega: You fools have fallen right into my hands. (Fake evil laugh) Narrator: In their first heroic act, they defeated the evil, melodramatic, A.I called Omega. Church: Hey what the hell Narrator: Then things got a little weird. They thought they'd traveled forward in time by a thousand years. Tucker found and alien sword then had a baby with an alien. They met a talking bomb named Andy. Grif's Sister showed up, Tex came back, got infected with an evil AI flew away and blew up. That was the end of their Blood Gulch Chronicles, but the story keeps on going, doesn't it? The Reds and Blues got reassigned and spread out after that. Until a Freelancer Agent named Washington went looking for them. Breaking with the Freelancer mold, Wash was a cool guy, until later when he was evil, but before and after that he was definitely a cool guy. Washington: Aw, thanks big ominous voice in the sky Narrator: With this Agent Washington the Reds and Blues learned all the Freelancers were trained by the same organization. Introducing Project Freelancer. They flew around on this cool spaceship. They made super soldiers and named them after States. They put artificial intelligence fragments in their brains to make them fight like superheroes. The Reds and Blues finally found that both teams were being used by that same evil corporation. They were basically training dummies for those super soldiers Freelancers. When they found this out, boy oh boy were they mad. They found holy revenge against the evil corporation. Haha, just kidding. Actually they didn't really care at all. Church: I don't give a shit about any of this. Narrator: This was around when they found out their dude Church was secretly an AI. See, not a ghost. Told you so. Together they took on Project Freelancer and shut it all down with a little help from an EMP. Church:: It only affects computers, remember? And I am a motherfucking ghost. Narrator: It killed him. But there was also a piece of him still alive. A part of that same computer program, called Epsilon. Later also called Church. Because that's not confusing at all. A Freelancer named Agent Carolina seemed like a bad girl at first, but later joined the gang. She wanted revenge on the director of Project Freelancer. Director: Hello, Agent Carolina. Narrator: They helped her get it. Wamo-jamo. After all that smooth jazz, the Reds and Blues crash-landed on a planet called Chorus, which was in the middle of a terrible civil war. Both sides of the conflict were being egged on by two mercenaries: Locus and Felix. Turns out the mercs were working together to destroy the planet on behalf of another evil corporation called Charon Industries. The Reds and Blues made a lot of new friends of Chorus. Snowman Fed: Why, snowman? Narrator: And working together with a larger CGI budget, they shut that down too. But, in a touching moment, Church, had to sacrifice himself to save his friends. Church: Ain't that a bitch. Narrator: That's the while story. Church: Not it's not! You skipped all the Freelancer stuff. And all the story that happened in Epsilon's memory unit. Way before Inception came out, I'd like to add. Simmons: And technically, you reordered a lot of the main elements. Sarge: And left out all of Red Team's successful military operations. Caboose: And where's Freckles? And Santa? Narrator: Well like I said, they pay me hourly, and my time's up kids. Unless you feel like paying me extra? Church: Nope! Out! Simmons: No bueno. Grif: Not happening. Sarge: Negatory! Caboose: Okay! Narrator: Right. Then that's the whole story. If you want more, watch the damn show yourself. See you later, space cowboys. Gallery Reds - CG Graphic.png Blues - CG Graphic.png Freelancers - CG Graphic.png Federal Army - CG Graphic.png New Republic - CG Graphic.png Trivia *The faction introduction titles were taken from the television airings of Red vs. Blue on the El Ray Network, which had featured unique intros for episodes distinct from the web airings. *Jason Stephens saying "See you space cowboy" is a reference to the popular anime series Cowboy Bebop. The ending song in the last episode is titled "See You Space Cowboy," performed by Seatbelts. *This special episode revealed that charon industries is disbanded. Video Category:Special Episode Category:Episodes